Gracegirl

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Curveball

Do you ever get your teeth set for something really good, and then it turns out that you're going to end up eating something entirely different? The feeling is disappointing; not utterly irritating, just somewhat. Well, that's happened to me. But it's more than a disappointment--I still have a choice to go with the original, it will just be difficult if I do. I feel like I planned to have people over, made a really good Italian dinner, answered the door, and they've brought sushi for everyone.

I have a big decision to make in a short amount of time. My original plan seemed so good. I'd prayed about it; I'd even prayed that it wouldn't become too important to me. I've been making lots of preparations in order for it to happen. And now it seems like it might not be the right time to do it. It's hard to explain--I don't want to really talk about it. I've just got to get my thoughts down.

I'm left wondering what I'm going to do: go with the original plan, or change my plan entirely at the last minute? Frustratingly enough, this matter keeps coming to mind right when I want to go to sleep. I keep praying that I won't be anxious, that I'll have wisdom in this decision, and that I would just trust Him.

Pastor Sean really hit it out of the park this morning. His message hit exactly what I've been thinking about. I've been examining my heart, trying to discern what I ought to do, and where my focus is. He spoke on finding the beauty in God's plan--when things are obviously out of your control. (Which, of course is all the time, but with my present mindset, it struck a chord!) The questions again came to mind:

Am I frustrated that my plan isn't working out the way I want? Am I not finding the beauty in God's plan? Am I not Him-focused?

- - or - -

Is it that I'm just frustrated by all the things I'm having to consider; am I frustrated simply because it's all such a confusing mass of possibility?

One lady said that if you're disappointed, frustrated or anxious, it's a sign that you're not God-centered in your thinking. See, the thing is, though, I'm having a hard time knowing whether I am or not. I am disappointed, but not devastated, frustrated but not beyond reasoning, and I wouldn't really say I'm anxious--at least, I keep praying not to be. I keep thinking about it--I have to think through it to an extent. I don't know; I'm just trying to make sure my heart is right in this, and I'm also trying to deal with it at the same time. Would you pray for me?

3 Comments:

  • At 4/09/2006 9:20 PM, Blogger Leila said…

    Katie, you're in my thoughts and prayers. I've been where you are - I've thought I was going in the direction God wanted, and then He threw my train onto a completely different set of tracks. Looking back, it was *so* right. He had perfectly ordained those steps - ultimately, it doesn't matter where you go to school or what you major in. It doesn't matter where you live - what matters is doing any and all of it to His glory. Let go of the wheel - He has awesome surprises for you, and He's asking you to trust His good, sovereign will. It is okay to wrestle with Him, just know when to let go. It's okay to question, but know a whirlwind might answer.

     
  • At 4/09/2006 9:27 PM, Blogger Gods girl said…

    Proverbs 16:9
    A man's heart plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps.

     
  • At 4/12/2006 11:20 AM, Blogger Tk log said…

    I have experienced those curve balls too, Katie. You're not alone! And the awesome thing is, the way God will have you go as apposed to the way you thought you were going is much better because He is working all things to His glory and our good. But I know you know that already... I guess I'm just blabberin'! :)

     

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